Couples Counselling is Great for you

Every time young couples choose me for relationship counselling they are often taken aback with the relatively short period of time we spend thinking about what has gone wrong in the romance. Sure, I will ask each partner why they’ve chosen to do couples therapy and what they hope to get out of it, but unless there is an immediate need, I’ll not dissect and invest time in the harmfull elements of their background together.

I use Imago Relationship Therapy when working with couples. Imago theory doesn’t believe that partners do stuff within their relationships simply topiss their partner off! We do things for a purpose. We are attempting to get our needs met. We commonly go about achieving this in wholly the wrong manner because we’re human and we are fallible.

Part of the therapeutic process doubtlessly involves dialoging about how we have been hurt by our loved one. In Imago this is done safely and calmly. Couples dialogue is utilized throughout all proceedings in Imago Relationship Therapy. This involves checking out that your lover is ok to listen to what you have got to say, and then having what you say mirrored, validated and empathised with by your companion .

It sounds simple and easy , yet it can be tricky to learn and is very beneficial when perfected. It is also the subject of an entirely separate post.

90% of my marriage counselling sessions are spent with the couple dialoging with each other. The main focus is on ownership of feelings and connection with your lover. Yelling at each other achieves practically nothing and just reinforces damaging patterns of behaviour so is discouraged – you probably have actually been doing that at home and look where it has got you.

Alot of time in Imago is spent getting to know how you can do things in a different way. Imagoeducates us to get out of the outdated habits and put new, more helpful ones in their place. These new habits enable the relationship to grow, accentuate the positive, take away the blame and replace it with honesty and closeness.

I’m not pretending that couples make it happen immediately. Many couples find relationship therapy really difficult, and some come a few times , realise the level of effort they’ll have to put into mending their connection and choose to splitup. I feel sad when that happens, but at least they have made a choice that they have often been postponing for many months. The couples that hang in there and stay with it move through the uncomfortable phase they encounter using couples dialogue then slowly find their connections switching to a whole new stage. They begin to look at their partner as an ally, and they “get” why they both do unhealthy things in their partnership. They figure out how to request what they want in a healthy way and start to comprehend what their partner wants.

If you ever come see me for relationship counselling I’m going to do my very best to help you stay with each other. Imago theory believes strongly in long-term relationships for all couples, straight or gay, married or cohabiting. Your lover will probably be an ideal fit, that’s why you have such an emotionally charged relationship. Imago Relationship Therapy serves to move those emotions further to the constructive.

I hope you enjoyed this post. Check out my other articles for more information on this subject.

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